Which is Why We are Proud to Bring You: The Stylelife Girl
Stylelife seeks out a high caliber, attractive, intelligent, and articulate woman to discuss what they think about attraction, dating, sex, and love. Our goal is to provide insights into the female mind. Insights that you can actually use to improve your interactions with women. We strive to go beyond the simple, un-helpful “I want a guy who makes me laugh” or “Be confident” that litter so much of the usual articles out there.
This time, we turn to Cooper, an actress originally from the South but currently living in Southern California. She has had recurring roles on CBS’s The Young and the Restless and BigFrame’s new flagship series SYNC. She was even in the Syfy cult hit Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. For fun, she does parkour, shoots guns, wields swords, rides horses, and plays a mean fiddle.
Stylelife dispatched longtime coach The Sneak to chat with Cooper about confidence, farmboys, getaway dates in Panama, and her dream-date man.
Stylelife: Confidence is a word that is thrown around a lot when women describe what they look for in men. How do you define confidence when it comes to dating?
Cooper: “Here’s the thing: I think guys hear, ‘Oh women want me to be confident’ and they become jerks.”
Cooper: Here’s the thing: I think guys hear, ‘Oh women want me to be confident’ and they become jerks. That is not something that turns me on. Confidence means you don’t have to put on airs, you have the confidence to genuinely speak your mind and share what is important to you. You have the confidence to treat people well because you’re sure of yourself and where you are in society. When you have that assurance of “I’m a cool person, I’ve got myself together, and I know what I want out of life,” then you treat people better. It comes from knowing your place in the world and being happy about it. That allows you to exude what I would say is real confidence.
Stylelife: Are you currently seeing someone?
Cooper: I am!
Stylelife: What is it about this man that made you romantically interested in him?
Cooper: My previous few relationships had been very much the stereotypical girl-meets-badass-and-falls-way-too-deeply-in-love situations (laughs). You know that very strange compulsion or attraction to like the dangerous badass guy who doesn’t necessarily treat you like a queen? But as I got more confident and a little bit older, I felt like that badass thing lost a lot of the charm. I’m attracted to the guy I’m seeing now because he is extremely confident, but also genuinely kind.
Stylelife: What’s something specific that the guy you’re seeing did that came off as confident?
Cooper: If he sees someone who is less fortunate or less attractive he doesn’t put them down. That’s a key right there. Somebody who is truly confident does not feel the need to put other people down. When I’m with guys who are trying to be the showmen, trying to make themselves look big, the tendency there is to put others down. For me that’s an immediate red flag that they feel insecure. It’s the most unattractive thing ever.
Stylelife: I imagine that there are lots of guys who have that trait who wouldn’t put someone down, but you still might not be attracted to them.
Cooper: You don’t often find genuine kindness in people. People don’t know how to get there. How you get there is being truly, deeply competent. People are phony when they’re insincere, when they’ve got other agendas, and all of that is extremely unattractive. So for me the number one thing in a guy is kindness.
Stylelife: And then?
Cooper: And then for relationship it’s being loyal, faithful, truthful, and straightforward. I find being straightforward about what you want in any situation is a good policy. I mean, you don’t want to be rude, but being honest and open will usually get you closer to what you want.
For example, if some guy just wants to hook up and have a good time he should tell me that. If our agendas meet, that’s awesome. If they don’t, I’m gonna get clingy, he’s gonna want out – it gets messy – so honesty is the second thing.
The third thing is good looks. My version of good looks, because everybody has different one. I tend to date guys who are 6’2 who are somewhat classically good looking to kind of farmer looking. And that’s because (laughs) I’m from the South. A guy who looks like he can pitch some bales of hay around and drive a tractor, I’m so into that. A little redneck-meets-metro, I love it.
In any case those are my top three qualities but the first is kindness, cause if you’re not a genuinely kind person I don’t have time for you in my life, not even as a friend. It’s kinda harsh but it’s true.
Then there’s things kind of under those major points. Like, I want somebody who has similar politics to me, who is well-educated, well-read, and I have a list it’s pretty long. Someone who likes spontaneous adventure, enjoys the finer things in life, likes to go dancing or spontaneously go camping. Those are all things that are important to me but they fall lower on that list.
Stylelife: What’s the most romantic thing that anybody’s ever done for you?
Cooper: “When you do that, it will blow her away.”
Cooper: I’ve been lucky to have so many beautifully romantic things done for me. I love surprises, but flowers and jewelry and those things are cop outs. Do really inventive cool things that are tailored to the women that you’re seeing. It’s hard, but pay attention to the women you’re with so you really know her likes and dislikes. When you do that, it will blow her away.
Like for example one Valentine’s Day, I was dating a very cool man at the time and he knew I was vegetarian and he knew I love going to nice restaurants. But I also wanted a really, intimate time with him. He turned his entire house into a restaurant for me, he had someone to open the door, he made appetizers, we were waited on in the house. He cooked a three course meal of my favorite dishes. He had on the music I wanted, he put flower petals all over the bed.
And then, the gift he gave me that was not jewelry but was something I had asked for three months ago that he had heard and remembered and that’s what I found impressive. It was a multiple couples dance classes, because I love to dance. And I actually fantasize about being on Dancing With The Stars. That level of detail and knowing what I want, it blew me away. He really listened.
Stylelife: That sounds like an amazing romantic evening. Can you tell us about another one?
Cooper: I was dating a different guy and he was on set for a month plus and I hadn’t seen him because he was out of town shooting. I really missed him. And for me long distance is hard because I’m extremely emotional and physically loving so I missed him insanely. And I was shooting something else and had an incredibly difficult week that was very emotional.
I came home Friday night and my whole house was lit up with candles and he had bought me presents and my favorite ice cream and all this stuff. And he had (laughs) – in any other situation this would be insanely creepy – he had broken into my house via the back bedroom. Our neighbors knew he was my boyfriend. He literally broken into my house, had the whole house cleaned, set up this insanely beautiful romantic scenario, and then surprised me.
Stylelife: What’s the best date that anyone ever took you on?
Cooper: It was trip over New Year’s to Panama.
Stylelife: How long had you been seeing this guy?
Cooper: Two months, two months and he flew me to Panama (laughs). It was awesome.
Stylelife: What happened in Panama?
Cooper: We stood on this rooftop and watched all these fireworks and ate grapes. You eat twelve grapes on midnight – each represents a wish, so we ate grapes, it was some tradition. It was beautiful. And there’s surfing and exploring in the jungle. It was amazing. So I don’t know if that’s a date, it’s more like a romantic trip.
Stylelife: Whatever ended up happening with this guy?
Cooper: We both wanted it to work and it just didn’t. It was terrible timing and we’re still good friends.
Stylelife: Has the opposite ever happened? Is there someone who was just a friend, but later became more?
Cooper: I can think of someone, yes. The thing is, I had a boyfriend at the time so I was hesitant to think of him as more than a friend.
Stylelife: Please describe the moment you thought “We’re not just friends, I’m feeling something.”
Cooper: I had gone on vacation and my car got towed. I didn’t know what to do and because I had gotten so close to this man I was like, “Hey this just happened.” My car was right near where he lived I was like “I don’t know what to do like I’m I’m going to end up paying like five to seven hundred dollars because I’m not coming back for five days.” And he said, “Oh don’t worry I’ll take care of it, I’ll just go get it.” So he did that and I was like that is the sweetest thing. I want the guy to be a man. I’m very independent, but I want him to occasionally take care of me, to be a man protect the cave you know? So sometimes when I have a stressful situation, just handle it (laughs).
Stylelife: So what happened when you returned from vacation?
Cooper He took me to dinner at a really nice place, a private club, and we went up onto the roof and I just felt compelled to kiss this man.
Stylelife: You initiated the first kiss?
Cooper: I did not, but I felt compelled to. Then he leaned over and kissed me. We’re literally standing up there, the sun is setting on this beautiful rooftop overlooking the ocean, at this private club, we just had an amazing dinner and we had been hanging out for two months.
Stylelife: Had you talked to your boyfriend at all?
Cooper: Yes, I consistently would call him and try to connect, he was always busy, and he wouldn’t return my calls so that for me is like…
Stylelife: You were being neglected. And here’s this other guy doing the opposite, paying attention, helping out, being involved, and you felt a moment, a desire to kiss this man. And he seized the moment.
Cooper: “What am I gonna do if I kiss this man? I’m going to break up with my boyfriend.”
Cooper: He did and at that point, before I reciprocated the kiss, I had to make a decision in my mind. What am I gonna do if I kiss this man? I’m going to break up with my boyfriend. Because I am not gonna two-time, I had to be really honest with myself in that split second. Am I willing to break up with my boyfriend tomorrow?
Stylelife: But it was an easy answer.
Cooper: Absolutely. So we made out. It was beautiful. I called my boyfriend the next day I was like, “Hi are you home?” He said, “Yeah I just flew in.” So I went over and I was like “Look I’m really sorry, this isn’t working for me, I want to end it.” It was great. Now it is not the way I recommend people start a relationship but, it is the way it happened for me.
Stylelife: There is nothing wrong with that.
Cooper: Sometimes you can’t help timing.
Stylelife: Do you have any pet peeves when it comes to dating? Something a guy does that strikes you as all wrong?
Cooper: There was this one guy, on paper he’s the full package, everything. I really wanted to like him. He’s gorgeous, makes good money, fun, quick; but he’s so into himself that he can’t carry on a conversation. He’s on his phone half the time we get together. He’s pushing me to get together, then I’m with him and he’s on his phone. I’m sorry, don’t ever do that. It is the rudest thing in the world. And I will feel like, “Okay you’re, busy I’m gonna go.”
Stylelife: Right. You want somebody who is gonna be present in the moment with you.
Cooper: Yeah. My time is very valuable. And it’s just like, I don’t care what you emails you’re getting, unless it is an emergency, put the phone away.
Stylelife: Emergencies are a different story. That wouldn’t be happening all the time.
Cooper: Exactly. It’s rude, it’s self-indulgent, and like it’s just so immature.
Cooper: If you do that you don’t know how to be with a women.
Stylelife: Do you think that he or or other guys could benefit from taking a course on dating or seduction?
Cooper: Yes! And even guys I’ve had great relationships with. Even though they’re innately awesome guys and good boyfriends, that’s just how they naturally are, it’s rare. So, I’m not complaining, but they could still benefit from learning how to really treat somebody well.
Cooper: Like some guys just don’t realize that if they’re getting out the phone while they’re driving someone on a date that’s like saying, “I don’t value your life, I care more about my social whatever and I’m gonna put us both in danger while I text back my friend.” That’s not what you want to communicate.
Cooper: There’s just some things you don’t do, little things that should be obvious, but you know, don’t take ex-girlfriend’s calls late at night while you’re lying in bed with the new woman. Common courtesy thing. When you’re on a date, don’t answer your phone, put your phone away or at least turn it upside down in the corner of the table. I’m really impressed with guys who turn their phone off or put it up. To me that’s impressive.
Stylelife: And so just let’s say you knew that the guy had taken a course on dating or seduction would that change your opinion of him?
Cooper: If the course was called How to Treat a Woman Correctly, that would be awesome. If the course was called How to Trick a Woman into Being with You, that would not get a good reaction.
Stylelife: Exactly. I mean, right in this conversation you stressed the importance that somebody would be present with you. That somebody would listen to you and hear the things that you would want and then later be able to make a romantic gesture that was personalized to you. So, I find the idea of tricking a women into being with you is almost fictional.
Cooper: I think the listening is really important and then it has to be coupled through with like a strong sense of who you are as a guy right? Because somebody who just listens to what I want and that’s it is no good. That magnetism that should attract me has to be there.
Stylelife: They can’t just be a good listener. They need a powerful identity as well.
Cooper: Yes. And let’s be real, I have a really powerful personality, I mean powerful in it’s very strong, right? (laughs).
Stylelife: You have a strong identity. So having someone who could stand next to you and not be washed away is important.
Stylelife: That makes perfect sense to me. Are there any hobbies that turn you off?
Cooper: Working out.
Stylelife: You don’t like a guy who works out all the time?
Cooper: I don’t. I think it’s incredibly conceited. And like what are you making up for?
Stylelife: Are there any hobbies that turn you on?
Cooper: Yeah, well athleticism. Adventuring, rock climbing, I don’t know if this is a hobby, but baseball players for me kryptonite. The guy I’m seeing now used to play ball for UVA. Very hot.
Stylelife: This is the second interview I’ve heard baseball players (laughing).
Cooper: “You know, really anything even, developers coding could turn me on if the guy’s just super genuinely into it and still has interpersonal skills.”
Cooper: Oh my God! I love it, I love it. Yeah that turns me on. You know, really anything even, developers coding could turn me on if the guy’s just super genuinely into it and still has interpersonal skills.
Cooper: I really think it could be anything that you’re good at, that you really are in to.
Stylelife: Let’s say you had to pick one person to date, it could be real or fictional, and you’re single in this hypothetical scenario.
Cooper: Wow, this is so hard for me. Physically and visually, I have always been kind of attracted to like Matt Damon or that kind of person like very well-rounded.
Stylelife: So you’re going with Matt Damon?
Cooper: The boyish good looks of Matt Damon, but with slightly longer hair, so he doesn’t care as much about the whole pretty boy factor.
Stylelife: Laid back Matt Damon.
Cooper: Yeah, like Matt Damon meets Keith Urban right? So you got the musical skill and you’ve got the boyish charm together. Then, he’s an entrepreneur and angel investor. This is his job, but they have so much money they don’t have to attend to it, so they’re also a philanthropist.
Cooper: They surf and they love to cook for me.
Stylelife: Does he also play baseball?
Cooper: He used too. But now he’s into biodynamic gardening (laughs).
Stylelife: Right, that’s what I figured.
Cooper: I am a vegetarian after all.
Stylelife: What’s do you find to be a very sexy?
Cooper: I like a really giving partner, but at the same time, manly. It is so key and it is really really hard to do right. So, you can throw me on the bed and then give me pleasure for an hour or even 15 minutes. That’s really hot. It takes the confidence to initiate and be a little aggressive, but then tender for a while.
And also not having to get off yourself is a really powerful statement and I was blown away the first time that happened to me. He was like, no I totally gotcha. Don’t worry about a thing. Okay. And when it’s done with a lot of confidence it’s a very giving gesture. Confidence, but with a giving generosity, it’s a good pair right there.
Also sexy, just like once in awhile, if there’s music on or whatever, suddenly grab your partner and just kind of dance with them.
Or this is great, in public or at a party you can find a little dark corner and spice things up you could push against the wall and get a little handsy. You know within reason, but I think like those are great little gestures you can do to keep things exciting, sweet, and intimate without full on having sex.
Stylelife: Is there something along those lines that you’ve always wanted someone to do but it’s never been done for you.
Cooper: No, because I am very vocal about what I want. (laughs).
Stylelife: Oh, that’s good.
Cooper: I mean you know there’s always like your little fantasies that you can do later like if you’re into role-playing but you know I guess it depends and not everybody’s alike.
Stylelife: Is there some role-play you haven’t checked off your list yet.
Cooper: Yeah totally, it involves a hotel room and guy coming home in business suit as I step delicately out of a shower. We’ll just leave it at that. (laughs).
Stylelife: That’s perfect. This is PG interview.
Stylelife: Okay, is there something that you’d like to say to the men of the world? About dating? Romance, seduction, some kind of thought?
Cooper: If you want somebody who is confident, and has a sense of self, and is exciting, and going places in life, you better have that too.